PulSe PointS
Americans Agree on What
It Means to Feel Loved
ust in time for Valentine’s Day, researchers at Penn
State’s College of Health and Human Development have
discovered that people in the U.S. largely agree about
what makes them feel loved, coming to a
general consensus that it may be small
gestures that matter most.
In a study originally published in
August of 2017, researchers found that
small, non-romantic gestures—like
someone showing compassion or
snuggling with a child—topped the list of
what makes people feel loved. Meanwhile,
controlling behaviors—like someone
wanting to know where they were at all
times—were seen as the least loving. These
gestures and behaviors also apply in non-romantic
settings and, in the workplace, attribute to gestures of
appreciation and trust.
The study results could give insight into how love affects
people’s overall well-being.
“Whether we feel loved or not plays an important role in
how we feel from day to day,” said Saeideh Heshmati, a
postdoctoral research scholar working on the study. “We were
curious about whether the majority of Americans could agree
about what makes people feel loved on a daily basis, or if it was
a more personal thing. Our results show that people do agree,
and the top scenarios that came back weren’t necessarily
romantic. So, it is possible for people to feel loved in simple,
everyday scenarios.”
The researchers recruited 495 American adults to answer a
questionnaire about whether or not they thought most people
would feel loved in 60 different scenarios. The situations
included positive actions, like being greeted by a pet; neutral
scenarios, like feeling close to nature; and negative situations,
like someone acting possessive.
“People were more in agreement about loving actions,
where there’s more authenticity perhaps, instead of a person
just saying something,” adds Heshmati.
Participants also agreed on what doesn’t make people feel
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loved. Behaviors that could be seen as controlling were ranked
among the least-loving actions.
“In American culture, it seems that controlling or possessive
behaviors are the ones people do not feel loved by,” Heshmati
said. “If someone wants to know where you are at all
times, or acts controlling, those actions
are not loving to us.”
Depending on the type of culture
you wish to project in your
workplace, this research could easily
apply to the way you treat your staff.
Most Americans agree that acts of
kindness and positive affirmations
make them feel appreciated, so imple-
menting this kind of positive culture could
allow your employees to feel comfortable at work. On
the flip side, controlling and overbearing behavior is seen as
negative and can hinder the wellbeing of your employees. Being
conscious of how your actions towards others are perceived could
help you create the workplace culture you’ve been striving
towards. n
Feeling the ISPA Love
To test the theory of the Penn State study, we
conducted a fun poll in the ISPA office. We asked our
ISPA team which of the following would make them
feel more appreciated or loved in the workplace:
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l
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Public recognition for a job well done in front of the
rest of your team.
Sincere acts of kindness and thanks from colleagues.
Someone showing compassion in your time of need.
Positive feedback via email.
Small tokens or gifts.
Listening and following through with your
suggestions.
The overwhelming winner of the poll was number two:
sincere acts of kindness and thanks from colleagues,
which is consistent with the findings of the study!
Try this poll out on your staff to see what you can do
to make your team feel more appreciated.