l Check your facts : Stick to observable , clear facts . Eliminate stories or suppositions . l Consider your perspective : Be mindful of your own feelings about the conversation and consider the discission from the perspective of the receiver . l Prepare your inner conditions : Plan the conversation for a time when you can approach it calmly and neutrally , with empowerment and curiosity .
2 . Start with safety and affirmation . Begin by acknowledging the employee ’ s value and contributions . This builds connection and trust . It helps to take ownership of any aspect of the challenge or “ issue ” you have a part in . Describe the emotion , don ’ t act it out . Examples : l “ Mary , I want to thank you for all your extra time during our transition . If it wasn ’ t for you , that new hire would probably still be lost somewhere .” l “ Luis , this new system has been a headache , and you have been so positive and responsive . I just want to tell you how helpful that has been . I haven ’ t been very patient with some of the mistakes we ’ ve seen , and I appreciate your efforts .”
3 . Share your facts . Communicate the feedback simply , truthfully and directly . Keep it observable , behavioral and relative to outcomes , not opinions . Example : l “ I ’ ve noticed a habit of leaving critical team members out of important updates . It ’ s happened the last three times you sent a memo to your group . They are concerned , and I understand why . When our staff seem uninformed , it can lead to costly mistakes or negative impact on our guests .”
4 . Engage and ask questions . Instead of telling people what to do or correcting their mistakes , explore how they might solve the problem or gain insight into why things happened as they did . Examples : l “ Have you noticed this , Luis ? Do you have suggestions ?” l “ What do you think we can do to avoid this in the future , Mary ?”
If confusion distracts or redirects the conversation , help to clarify the concern or expectations . Allow the employee time to vent , acknowledge their feelings , and gently redirect the conversation back to the topic . Example : l “ Wow , you have been juggling a lot . It sounds stressful and distracting , and I am glad you told me . Let ’ s return to the topic . How can we get back on track ?”
If your employee becomes overwhelmed or emotional , let them express their feelings . Be present and empathetic , but don ’ t indulge complaints or excuses . Maintain your leadership focus on improved performance . After validating their feelings , redirect the conversation . Example : l “ I appreciate your sharing . It sounds like it ’ s been a difficult time . Can we return to the issue and make a plan ?”
Clarify expectations by asking your employee what their idea of excellent looks like for the task you are correcting . Example : l “ So , I realize part of the challenge may be something I can help with . Have we clarified this task ? What do you think best practice looks like for what we want to accomplish ?”
Use their answer to set clear expectations . Be sure to summarize the steps you ’ ve agreed on in actionable , behavioral terms .
5 . Offer support with accountability . Make expectations clear and offer support . Assist genuinely in ways that are role-appropriate , without micromanaging or enabling . Example : l “ Mary , thank you for taking the time to go over this with me . I feel we have a clear picture of success . What do you need from me to ensure this stays on track ?”
You might be surprised to find the S . A . F . E . S . approach works well in all settings , such as with family , children or friends in addition to staff members and colleagues . n
DR . JONATHAN ELLERBY provides custom support and leadership programs to facilitate balancing accountability with the powerful tools of emotional intelligence , psychological safety , mindfulness and well-being . | jonathanellerby . com
DECEMBER 2024 / JANUARY 2025 n PULSE 25