lines— recommending is the opposite of caring. It is pushing. It is selling. It is the thing that makes guests feel used rather than held.
Layer on the cognitive load of delivering a high-quality treatment, and recommending does not get dropped out of laziness or bad attitude. The moment never makes it to the surface because the belief is not there to carry it.
HESITATION WEARS THREE DISGUISES l What they say:“ I didn’ t have time.” What it actually means: The recommending moment never became a priority. l What they say:“ I’ ll wait for them to ask.” What it actually means: The guest did not know what to ask for— or didn’ t even know to ask. l What they say:“ I don’ t want to push.” What it actually means: A“ no” can be avoided by never offering a“ yes.”
These aren’ t excuses. They are psychological self-protection. And they will not be fixed by a better script. They require a belief shift first.
What a belief shift actually looks like Before any training session, role-play or target, leaders need to address what each therapist believes about recommending. Four reframes form the foundation of that work: 1“ Recommending makes me pushy.” becomes“ Recommending is part of my professional responsibility.”
2“ I’ m hitting my numbers.” becomes“ I’ m serving their wellness goals.”
3“ I’ m making them spend money.” becomes“ I’ m creating better results and continued care.” 4“ They’ ll ask if they want it.” becomes“ They are waiting for my expert guidance.”
These are coaching conversations, not staff-room affirmations. They shift the internal narrative before behavior can change. Once that shift happens, structure can follow: trust, timing, value, confidence and relevance. When all five are present, a recommendation becomes a natural continuation of care.
Why most training doesn’ t stick— and what does Most training programs produce motivated people and a calendar full of good intentions. Within six weeks, the numbers are exactly where they started. Old habits return by month two because the belief gap quietly reopens. Real change requires the session and sustained follow-up; the weeks that follow are where culture actually shifts.
A 30-day arc you can start this week Four weeks. One belief gap closed. Here’ s your to-do list: l WEEK 1 Audit beliefs, not behaviors. Ask each therapist:“ What does recommending feel like to you?” l WEEK 2 Teach the formula, not the script. Focus on trust, timing, value, confidence and relevance. l WEEK 3 Coach individuals, not averages. Remove specific barriers and celebrate visible wins. l WEEK 4 Embed a weekly ritual. Discuss as a group:“ What landed this week? What felt natural? What still feels like a push?”
Before any of the above: Stop having the wrong conversation. If your current approach involves management-set targets, scripts and consequences, and nothing is changing, stop. The next conversation is about belief.
The number you should be tracking One personalized recommendation, per guest, per day, across a modest team can generate meaningful additional annual revenue. The difference between a generic“ Would you like to add aromatherapy?” and a goal-linked, trust-based recommendation is not technique. It is belief.
Your guests are already spending. Your team already has the knowledge. What may be standing in the way is an internal story that has never been directly addressed. That story can be rewritten. n
DR. MICHELA HENKE-CILENTI, CPTD, is a behavioral and sales psychology consultant, executive coach and keynote speaker specializing in spa and hospitality. She has worked with Ritz-Carlton, Four Seasons, St. Regis, Marriott and leading independent properties across North America and Europe for 25-plus years. michelahenkecilenti. com / recommendingandupselling
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